On One Hand

October 17, 2003

Super Stud

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:54 am

Hello everyone, allow me to introduce myself. I am Matt, the Super Stud.

I wish. All my attempts at masculine chivalry result in total disasters. Today I went to a gay rights rally on Pearl Street in downtown Boulder. (Which, by the way, was awesome.) Everyone was loud and angry and outspoken. I, on the other hand, felt uncomfortable just raising my voice. I am a fan of passionate rowdiness but this time I was uncomfortable participating in it personally. I’d rather win with reason, or, at the very least, with sarcastic wit. Besides, I found some of the cheers everyone was shouting to be lame. I got more into the spirit as the rally went on, but the event still seemed somewhat pointless – one would expect that such a controversial event would be met with, well, controversy. In Boulder, everyone just cheered back at us in support or gave thumbs-up signs. So much for being aggressive and powerful.

After the rally, there was a social in the Student Center for those who participated in the rally. A friend of mine, Lorelei, who is handicapped and can only walk short distances, couldn’t have functioned at the rally but had expressed an interest in the social. I ran back to the residence hall get her. She said I was sweet for taking the time to run all the way back. We started to head to the Student Center, me walking alongside Lorelei, who was driving her electronic cart.

We hadn’t even gotten outside the residence hall when her cart broke down. I offered to carry her, but she was reluctant to let me, explaining that I would undoubtedly hurt myself. I insisted she ought to let me try and she eventually gave in. As I was trudging down the sidewalk with Lorelei on my back, a group of guys walking by said hello to me, gesturing, in a way, in approval of what I was doing. They said something to the effect of “nice job, dude,” the details being non-important. It was quite a rush, getting that kind of attention from attractive straight guys.

About a third of the way to the social, I needed to rest so started to put Lorelei down to walk on her own for a while. She had a walker that I was carrying in my hands with her on my back, and as I put her down, her foot got tangled in the walker. As she started to fall backward we managed to sustain a temporary balance, but we would both tumble over very soon if I couldn’t find a way to prevent it. We were near a chicken wire fence so I turned sideways and leaned her against the fence to catch her fall. It prevented her from falling, but we happened to be against the one part of the fence that the spending-crazed school had allowed to fall into disrepair. Jagged wires protruding from the fence tore into her arm and she was cut pretty badly – a fact we did not discover until we were already at the social and finally pulled up her sleeve. Yes, I am a stud.

At the social, there was a guy who would probably seem average to most people but I found him particularly attractive. I stared at him for a while, found an excuse to say hello, and spent much of the evening awkwardly trying to find ways to get to know him. I couldn’t personally express an interest because I am so socially inept. I can’t flirt. I don’t have a clue how to go about doing it, and even when I can think of something appropriate to say, I can’t bring myself to talk to the person I like. I don’t know if it’s a fear or rejection or something else. As far as flirting goes I am at the level of a third grader; my first impulse is to grab something of theirs and run away so that they have to chase me to get it back.

After the cute boy left (I did manage to catch a conversation with him and discovered we can stay connected through a common friend, in case anyone was wondering) Lorelei was complaining about wanting to go home. When we left, I didn’t carry her. She trudged along very slowly using her walker as we discussed sexuality and gender archetypes. After we got back to the resedence hall, I stayed in her dorm awhile. I said I was hungry so she offered me some of her food, and after asking her what she least liked I chose a banana flavored moon pie that she claimed was disgusting. I took a few bites and agreed. Honestly, someone ought to have a contest to see if anyone can actually eat one of those without throwing up. I still haven’t gotten the industrial taste out of my mouth.



  1. that was as great story… by even offering to carry her you did more than most guys would… i personally would be too afraid of making a scene… good job, you’ve got guts…

    – me

    Comment by Anonymous — October 18, 2003 @ 3:10 pm | Reply

  2. Banana flavored moon pie? Eww… so gross haha.

    I don’t understand the point of gay rallies or parades in all honesty. Maybe you can explain them to me, but it just seems pointless. I mean, I’ve never heard of a heterosexual parade. *boggles*

    Going to go forage in my kitchen now bwahahahaha 😉

    Comment by minkus122 — October 18, 2003 @ 5:57 pm | Reply

    • It was not a gay rally. It was a political rally in support of same-sex marriages. Or, more specifically, it was a rally agaisnt the Federal Marriage Amendment and the so-called “Marriage Protection Week,” which are both right-wing strategies to oppose equality for lesbians and gays. Maybe you have never heard of a heterosexual rally because heterosexuality is not illegal.

      Anyway, most of the participants in the rally were straight.

      Comment by ononehand — October 18, 2003 @ 6:04 pm | Reply

      • Homosexuality, itself, isn’t illegal. Gay civil unions/marriages are the only thing that aren’t legal.

        Anyways, I mis-read and thought you went to a gay rally e.g. for gay pride or something, which I don’t understand. If it was an anti-Marriage Protection Week then I would’ve gone as well.

        Comment by minkus122 — October 18, 2003 @ 6:15 pm

  3. O.A.S.O.S. invited me to go to that rally, as a gay married mad, but I had to work
    and I really don’t like anyone in O.A.S.O.S. anymore

    Comment by lazarus_pryor — October 18, 2003 @ 7:12 pm | Reply

  4. Awe :X

    Comment by ms_misdirected — October 19, 2003 @ 3:39 am | Reply

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