On One Hand

December 16, 2003

Sweet Solitude

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:14 pm

My roommate is out again for Winter Break, and I have the room to myself until Friday when they kick us all out until next semester. As was true in the days before Thanksgiving break, I can now enjoy my solitude as an opportunity to contemplate and get to know myself a little better. That is, a qualified solitude this time. I have a guy staying with me for a few days because his apartment is in Longmont, his school and job are here in Boulder, and his car is too unreliable to take him that distance. During the day he works and goes to school and sometimes we spend a few hours hanging out. Because of him, my nights are shared with an unbelievably hot, thin, friendly and personable gay guy who likes to sleep naked.

One might consider this a gift from God, some sort of divine blessing bestowed upon an individual as apology for letting history be written in the way that it was. Maybe God is saying, “look, dude, I’m sorry about that whole Bible thing that makes it so tough for you gays down there – let me just make it up to you for a while.” Or maybe “I’m sorry for all that shit you’ve been through with your mom and all. Here, try this instead.” Probably not. When you are trying to cope with the situation I am coping with, you wonder if it could be less a blessing and more a curse. You realize that it is incredibly difficult to sleep when you have a cute naked guy in bed with you and you haven’t masturbated in over three weeks. You realize that his late night obsession with loud online music videos is threatening your relationship with the neigbors in a resedence hall with unusually thin walls. You realize that, no matter how comfortable around him you are, at least a little privacy is sacrificed by having another person in the room, and the solitude you had been hoping for has been pretty much drawn to nill. You realize that having someone in close physical proximity doesn’t do shit in keeping you from feeling lonely.

All in all, I’m glad he’s here. I’ll get my alone time later when I’m home for Christmas Break, which will hopefully be really good for me. I’ll get some good family time too, where I can talk to people who have been with me my whole life so don’t need to be filled in on all the background information. Then it’s off to trying to find my diverse friends in Boulder to fill all my many, complicated needs. I need an older (or just wise beyond his or her years) friend to be mature with, a smart friend to be intellectual with, an attractive friend to be flirty with, a cute girl to be friendly with, a best friend to be honest with (well, second best, since I can’t replace the old friends I have at home), and all the et cetera I need. It would be nice to have it all in one person but it’s not going to happen any time soon. This is just what I want for now. Wish me luck.


  1. I stumbled across your journal and I like it I added you to my friends list.

    Comment by devnair1 — December 16, 2003 @ 9:43 pm | Reply

  2. That entry gave me a boner, minus the lonely part. Good luck. Go eat a fortune cookie or something.

    Comment by Anonymous — December 17, 2003 @ 2:29 am | Reply

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