On One Hand

September 27, 2004

Wink and Smile

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 5:12 pm

The chilly fall weather of a few days ago has lifted, and instead of the cold drizzle of fall, there is instead a healthy downpour going on as a thunderstorm moves through. As is typical of Colorado weather it came out of nowhere in a matter of minutes: when I lay down for a nap today it was sunny and hot out, and I woke to the sound of thunder.

A guy made a pretty obvious pass at me today in class. During a group discussion I was staring at one guy taking note of his likeness to George W. Bush, then glanced over at another guy in the group to see him expressing a less-than-subtle point with his facial expression. I only caught it out of the corner of my eye, but there was no room for false interpretation – his cocked eyebrows and quick facial movements made it clear he was trying to communicate something, and he was smiling and staring right at me. But I have no idea what to do when that happens to me. An understanding of situation didn’t click through my brain initially, so instead of responding with raised eyebrows or a smile, I silently mouthed WHAT?! with a dumbfounded look on my face. Nothing, he shook his head and waved his hand at me, looking embarrassed. I had been checking out this guy for a while, thinking he was cute, but then noticed that the way he relates to his guy friends who meet him after class was very masculine and I had pretty much switched my gaydar off at that point, assuming he was either closeted or straight.

Let me just express that I completely not used to communicating in language like that. What could this guy have been thinking? I’m sure he noticed the rainbow ribbon clipping safety-pinned to my backpack, and known that I don’t need secret passes. The whole point in coming out is that you don’t have to be secretive anymore; you can just overtly approach someone and say, “I think you’re cute.” I woudln’t have known how to respond to this guy’s gesture even if I wanted to take him up on whatever he had to offer, and it’s still beyond me whether he was looking to hook up right away or just initiate an intimate discussion after class. During the group discussion I made a point to smile back at his steady gaze from time to time to show that I still had some interest, but good God was was making me nervous staring at me like that. By the end of class my hands were cold, my palms were sweaty, and I was fidgeting all over the place unattractively.

I have class with this guy all semester, so I’d say it was pretty brave of him to make the move that he did. I’m not sure what he wants, so I’ll have to be careful, but this event will no doubt be lingering in the back of my mind for a while. He’s pretty cute.

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5 Comments »

  1. The whole point in coming out is that you don’t have to be secretive anymore; you can just overtly approach someone and say, “I think you’re cute.”

    I’ve been out for quite a while, and the chance is still slim that I’ll ever approach someone and say they’re cute. Not because I’m uncomfortable with my sexuality, but because I’m not confident in myself in general. That’s just me though. Seems like he is definitely flirting, give it time.

    Comment by lancerboi — September 27, 2004 @ 6:04 pm | Reply

    • I’m shy too. My typical response is to run away from anyone I think is cute, because they make me nervous. But still, nobody has to be all descreet about it.

      Comment by ononehand — September 27, 2004 @ 6:13 pm | Reply

      • True that, except for us lol.

        Comment by lancerboi — September 27, 2004 @ 6:17 pm

  2. Doesn’t sound like he was trying to be discreet about it or anything. Just saw you look his way and decided to respond with a friendly “hey there, good-lookin'” in the only way he could without verbally interrupting the discussion at hand.

    Comment by not_a_freak — September 27, 2004 @ 6:50 pm | Reply

  3. Hey, at least you noticed. I usually am oblivious to all such things…

    Comment by emeraldimp — September 28, 2004 @ 10:39 am | Reply


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