On One Hand

December 31, 2004

2005 Resolutions

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 12:57 am

I was talking to a fifteen year old about some of the things he claims to know he’ll never do, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I used to get pissed when people told me I’d change, now I get perturbed when someone else seems so sure that they won’t – it seems so naiive to me now. I think one of the most fundemental signs of maturity is when a person stops making difinitive statements. Here are a few things I said I’d never do, back when I was a teenager:

1. Pierce something (I still haven’t, but I’ve strongly considered it).
2. Smoke a cigarette (not only have I smoked, I’ve bought several packs, though I’ve never been addicted).
3. Miss Mass three or more weeks in a row (ha!).
4. Move out of Colorado (about a month after I said that, living in New York became all I would dream about for years and years).
5. Drink Alcohol (once again: ha!).
6. Take a naked picture of myself (done it, deleted it, did it again, repeat process).
7. Do drugs (I’ve smoked pot a few times).
8. Have cyber sex (done and done).
9. Have anal sex (I used to find it utterly disgusting. Everyone said I’d do it someday, and I’d get angry at the suggestion. Then I learned that you can actually have an orgasm in your butt. And I got used to the idea, after thinking about it long enough. I still haven’t done it yet, but I’m more than sure I someday will).
10. Have sex before marriage (I haven’t done anal penetration, but I have done lots of things I consider sex, and they count here).
11. Cut myself (I used to think it was crazy. I’ve done it).
12. Date a [insert pretty much anything you want here]. (Back when I was struggling to balance being gay with being Catholic, I thought that dating a non-Christian guy was bad for me; I didn’t want anyone to pull me away from my faith. I never thought I’d be attracted to a black person, an Asian, or anything outside what I was used to. I wasn’t racist, I just wasn’t attracted to certain face or body types and assumed that there wouldn’t be exceptions. Since then, I have dated a black person, said “I love you” to him, and have been seriously interested in an Asian guy – actually, more than one. And I can’t think of a single person I’ve dated who was still Christian at the time that we dated.)

Anyway, back to what I came here to write – 2005 Resolutions:

+ Start working out again (I slacked off for a month)

+ Have sex by my birthday (May 21) – I don’t want to be a 20 year old virgin

+ Be published by the end of the year (I don’t care if it’s a shitty magazine or a campus newsletter or what, I just want to be published)

+ Get my CU GPA back up above 3.5

+ Be earning enough money to cover my life by the end of the year – no more asking my parents for favors



  1. I’d help with one of those.

    Comment by dexterred — December 31, 2004 @ 9:33 am | Reply

    • Yeah, I could use your help working on number two.

      Comment by ononehand — December 31, 2004 @ 9:41 am | Reply

      • lol – best pickup line right there!

        Comment by jdhenchman — December 31, 2004 @ 9:31 pm

  2. If it makes you feel any better, I was 19 when I lost mine… oops, your 19 right now… thats ok though, I wouldn’t worry too much about it…

    About getting published, write to a newspaper or magazine about an issue that you’re passionate about. If it’s written well, and I can tell you from what I’ve read in your posts that you are incredibly talented when it comes to writing… amongst other things… I’m sure they will publish it!

    Reminds me of a rather embarrassing stunt I pulled four years ago… It was during the 2000 olympic games, me and a buddy got pissed in town one night and started joking about “coming first in the olympics… who comes first wins gold if you catch my drift… anyway, so I pulled out my laptop and in my drunken state wrote this e-mail to “Mens Health” magazine, in it I basically wrote about jerking off, waiting for the right girl, but until I found her I’d keep on practicing to get it perfect and then when it happens, we will see who comes first, and it’s a race I don’t mind loosing… anyway, something to that extend, and then idiot me went and signed my name under it and e-mailed it…

    …next morning, I woke up and read what I wrote and nearly shat in my pants…

    So for the next two months I bought every issue of Men’s Health, extremely relived that my e-mail wasn’t published and by month three I forgot about it… of course thats when the shit hit the fan!

    My flat mate asked me the one day: ” So, hows your new pens writing?” I was like in: “What do you mean hows my new pens writing?” “The pens that you won in your Mens Health article…”

    The phone didn’t stop ringing… my friends took the piss out of me… well of course there was also the issue of my parents and family, the whole bloody town called them, I even had my lecturers asking me weather I was still practicing…

    At least some girls stated that they want their man to be like that, and I got two Mont Black Pens for best article, but then, I really didn’t want my parents or grandparent, or teachers for that matter knowing I was spanking the monkey!

    Comment by mismatchedmind — December 31, 2004 @ 10:12 am | Reply

    • Wow… you… use a lot of phrases I don’t know. lol. But thank you for the advice!

      Comment by ononehand — January 1, 2005 @ 12:31 am | Reply

      • must be South African… suppose every country have their own phrases in English…

        Comment by mismatchedmind — January 1, 2005 @ 8:17 am

      • I mostly just don’t know what a “pens” is. I’ve talked to a few people from the UK and I remember them using the word “piss” in the context of “are you taking a piss at me?” so I think I know what that part means. But the “pens” … totally not figuring it out.

        Comment by ononehand — January 1, 2005 @ 11:52 am

      • lol, I’m sorry, my fault, (English is not my first language…) I was referring to a ball-point and fountain pen set made by “Mont Blanc” which is one of those utterly ridiculously priced items the filthy rich tend to buy… about $1000 each… completely nuts if you ask me…

        The phrase: “taking the piss out of someone” basically refers to teasing or making fun of someone…

        Comment by mismatchedmind — January 1, 2005 @ 12:39 pm

      • I do have two questions though, what did you mean when you said cut yourself? And then, I’m Christian, I know that I am Bi-sexual, very attracted to guys and girls, probably more to guys, but I haven’t gone out and pursued a relationship with a guy, mainly because I’m afraid of the Boss upstairs… how did you manage to deal with it?

        Comment by mismatchedmind — January 1, 2005 @ 12:48 pm

      • I went through a religious crisis when I was about sixteen. I grew up Roman Catholic, and left the church around that time. I went through a long process of reading many different ideas, beliefs, attitudes, and thoughts on religion from many places, and came to two important conclusions: 1) few people have any rational basis for their beliefs, most are shooting from the hip, and 2) almost everyone disagrees about God, even on the most important aspects, further lessening the chances that anybody has got it right. I basically realized that I couldn’t keep letting other people tell me what God wants. I have access to all the same books, and I have just as much claim to “divine knowledge” as a Catholic priest, a Muslim cleric, or a Protestant preacher does. And I read the Bible and realized that Jesus says pretty much nothing about homosexuality; he was instead more focused on the sins of the rich and powerful religious leaders.

        I read about Christian history and found out that not a single Gospel was written during the time that Christ lived. There were nearly a hundred Gospels written, circulated throughout the hundreds of different early Christian communities, and they all had radically different perspectives on who Jesus was. Some believed in Reincarnation and thought that Jesus was an enlightened man, others believed Jesus was a Jewish prophet and accepted the Jewish beliefs on the afterlife, others believed that Jesus was the Son of God, halfway between divinity and humanness, and believed in Heaven and Hell. No Gospel claimed to be the Divinely inspired infallable the word of God. Each Gospel was a different personal account of the life of Jesus, from a human perspective. Then, hundreds of years later, the early Catholic Church got together and chose four Gospels that the early bishops liked the best, added some passages, chose some other letters and documents to include, and compiled them into the Bible. They called the Bible sacred and orthodox, to the exclusion of everything else. But nowhere in the Bible is the Bible itself mentioned as some holy script, and the closest it comes to saying such things is when it refers to “scripture” in one of Pauls letters. But that book, the one that includes the word “scripture,” was not a part of the Bible when it was written. It was a letter from a man who had never actually known Jesus (Paul), sent to a Christian community founded by one of the Apostles. And, as I said before, there were hundreds of Gospels and documents, and all were “scripture.” Yet today we only read four Gospels and a few letters, and consider that small group, and only that small group, holy.

        I am not a “Christian” in the sense of believing in the religion that exists today. I don’t believe in Heaven and Hell or Purgatory and I don’t think anyone can actually know these things about the afterlife. I like the idea of reincarnation and think there is some shaky scientific evidence for it. I think that Jesus was a holy person, possibly divine, possibly not, but I don’t think that Jesus is reflected very deeply in modern Christianity, and I don’t think we can ever know for sure what Jesus really taught.

        Since the support for modern Christianity as a religion as a whole is so shaky, I dont think Conservative Christian leaders are even worth addressing. They believe in so much stuff that is scientifically and historically untrue, so why listen to their opinions on what God thinks of my lifestyle? But, for those who do accept the Bible as the infallable word of God, they ought to realize that homosexuality isn’t even mentioned in the words of Christ, and that Jesus declairs that the greatest virtue is love (not blind obedience), and that “the law and the prophets” hangs on that greatest virtue.

        Comment by ononehand — January 1, 2005 @ 9:06 pm

      • Thank you…

        I would really like to thank you for your reply, it’s opened my eyes to a completely different perspective. I also stood and justified myself on the grounds that Jesus never condemned homosexuality, that the only reference is that of Paul who in his letter condemns adulterers and fornicators with homosexuals… Its funny that most Christians turn a blind eye to the first two, but tend to focus on the latter…

        As for me, too much has happened in my life not to acknowledge Christ, for me He is the Son of God, and I am at peace with that. What I’m holding on to is: 1) God is a forgiving God 2) Jesus died for all sins… if being homosexual is a sin, then surely He died for that as well…

        Again, thank you for your reply, it’s been very insightful…

        Comment by mismatchedmind — January 1, 2005 @ 10:04 pm

  3. If you get yourself a dumb prankster friend and a stoner to help you in your quest, you could be the star of your own teen movie. “Laid by Memorial Day” or something.

    Comment by spacemanspiff04 — December 31, 2004 @ 2:34 pm | Reply

  4. How Can I Put This Discreetly?

    The other goals are worthy, but is #2 really necessary? Should the time come this year, you’ll know it, so one doesn’t really need it as a goal.

    Comment by buddyoverstreet — December 31, 2004 @ 5:18 pm | Reply

  5. I agree with you about saying things that I will never do. I ue to do it and now I realize that given the right situation I might. Like I have never done any drugs and at the moment I don’t have the urge to use them, but I can’t help but think what I’ll be like when I’m 20 something. I don’t think I will be smoking anything of any kind, because I have bad lungs, but maybe a pill or two. I dunno. I agree with the guy down there about #2. Is it really necessary to have that on there? I mean I know you don’t want to be a virgin your whole life, but don’t you want it to come at the right moment instead of at the wrong moment just to of had sex before you turn 20?


    Comment by xnewxbeginningx — December 31, 2004 @ 5:47 pm | Reply

  6. what’s a rook?

    Comment by ononehand — January 1, 2005 @ 11:27 pm | Reply

  7. Oh… I have no desire to draw attention to my ears. I was thinking lip or eyebrow, but I don’t think I’ll really get around to doing it.

    Comment by ononehand — January 1, 2005 @ 11:38 pm | Reply

    • came across your journal, you seem extrememly interesting and you’re so adorable. lip piercing definately, would make you even cuter!

      Comment by twistedshroom — January 5, 2005 @ 5:57 am | Reply

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