On One Hand

April 15, 2005

Circular Reasoning

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 9:19 pm

I am told by Internet health sites that in the rare cases when mono leads to a jaundiced state, which it did (slightly) in my case (but only my eyes were yellow), you are not supposed to drink alcohol for an entire year. (I really need to stop reading WebMD. It’s the source of all of my problems.)

A YEAR? Screw THAT. I’ll assume that “year” means to wait until the end of the school year, which occurs in three weeks. (Thank God I happened to get mono so late in the season!)

Which leads me to the question: why do we say that drinking alcohol is bad? The argument is that alcohol is bad for our health. The logical connundrum proceeds as follows:
So why don’t we drink? To keep in good health.
Why keep in good health? To prolong our lives.
Why prolong life? Because, as we see it, life leads to hapiness, which is ideal.
But what makes life happy? Alcohol.
It’s circular reasoning at its worst.

All my friends are drinking.

Not being able to drink sucks. You know what I’m grateful for? Pot. WebMD hadn’t taken that from me yet.

Or a second logical chain, which begins similar to the first but diverges later:
Why not drink? For good health.
Why do we want good health? To prolong life.
Why prolong life? Because life is enjoyable.
But what if it isn’t? It’s my experience that the good and the bad, the enjoyable and the painful, all add up to just about zero. So what difference does it make how long it lasts?
Not that I want to die. When life nets zero, dying isn’t ideal. It’s neutral. Neither desirable nor worth avoiding. Am I depressed? Just cynical at the moment. I’M ABOUT TO BE SOBER AT A GOOD PARTY! This is why I need to be good to everyone, because Hell for me will be exactly this situation. (Coincidentally, the party’s theme is Heaven and Hell. I guess I’m the Hell side.)

Just kidding. It isn’t so bad. I’m not such an alcoholic. I just really want to drink.

At least the school year ends in only three weeks. (Three weeks guys!)



  1. I believe the city of pompeii had the right idea… “eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may die.”

    Comment by twistedshroom — April 16, 2005 @ 4:11 am | Reply

  2. I don’t drink often and when I do it’s just for a buzz, not to get drunk… and I don’t like pot and have no interest in other drugs… i’m just weird I guess, or maybe I grew up to fast? who knows… Probably explains why I’m so boring :-p

    Comment by johnnya — April 16, 2005 @ 6:18 am | Reply

  3. I have heard stories that drinking soon after you have mono just makes you feel sick again. Drink Shirley Temples 🙂

    Comment by cinyque — April 16, 2005 @ 1:06 pm | Reply

  4. I’ve never heard of having to wait a year before. Hell, I know people who have drank during mono… but oh wait, that makes sense. There is nothing better to do here — we’re a special case.

    Comment by usp121sgn — April 16, 2005 @ 2:05 pm | Reply

  5. Ethanol and Cannabis

    If it were up to me, the age for using marijuana and ethanol would be 18. However, you should be careful when stating on the internet that you’re breaking the law. Right before you were born, the drinking age was 18 in many state, but the god Pruneface (whom they just put on a stamp) proclaimed that states’ rights don’t exist when he forces the states to honor his ukases. As I’ve written in various places in my onliine diaries and sites, I find no difference between tobacco and marijuana.

    Comment by buddyoverstreet — April 17, 2005 @ 10:54 am | Reply

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