On One Hand

July 21, 2005

Leo

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:19 pm
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We’re getting into those late summer days that stretch on hot to make everything brown and dry. The sky turns a pale, bleached-out color as if the mosture has been sucked out, or as if the blue is faded like old plastic under the sun, now dominating the landscape. Even the trees, with roots built for all seasons, wilt in the early afternoon. For me it’s swimming-pool-and-thrift store season, when I spend more time with old friends and relax in the dry heat, losing my ambition. I love when the world’s energy changes a little, this time from wet summer to dry summer, and in less than a month I’ll be back in school.

Over the last few days I felt the intense rush I’ve been on finally begin to fade, and I was afraid I’d crash into one of those times of despair and uneasyness that permeate everything around me as if they didn’t actually come from within myself. Maybe my moments of anxiety were resulting from my refusal to adjust to the frame-of-reference shift. I was afraid to lose the high, but maybe I can keep it if I let it fade into a different, more easy hapiness.

Every feeling has to change, and resisting its evolution kills it. You can’t cling to feelings or you’ll feel like everything is slipping away. I’ve let many friendships decay because I coudln’t accept that they don’t feel the way they did in the beginning, and that’s not the way the world works. Ease into the new feeling and enjoy it; the world will give you flashes of the old memories when you’re in the same season during future years.

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2 Comments »

  1. Very well written as usual.

    Comment by tempur_tempur — July 21, 2005 @ 7:53 pm | Reply

  2. Hey, how was Hawaii?! I’ve heard it’s one of the most beautiful places you can visit. I feel you on the loss of ambition and drive, my usually aggressive self has become a puddle of lathargic goo in these hot summer days.

    Comment by matthewtroxel — July 21, 2005 @ 10:18 pm | Reply


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