On One Hand

July 27, 2005

to the people i have loved (and still do)

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 11:31 pm
Tags: , ,

she touched her tongue to her lips a(n)d sm(i)led. Laughing the way I love, the way her eyes light up, so I know she means it and air molecules allign to a(c)comodate the fullness of the s(o)und. Bubb(l)ing about som(e)thing in her cell phone and dancing around the wooden floors in bare feet –

he leaned in subtely as I ran my hands over, touching his tender spots and coaxing the(m) to relax, his pinkness, and (a)ll the pieces of him I loved but none were like (t)he way his small form filled the niche tha(t) had been pressed by him through the months into my body –

(I have loved all of you. If it’s worth it’s imprint in my memory I’ll hold it there, to last as long as I do. But one day I will die and the memories of all of you that I live for will be lost. Paper, keyboards do not hold them, and cannot pass them on; they’ll end with me and end with all of you. I try to know them as intensely as I can before they pass.)

– the summer sunlight lit the windshield uneven, reve(a)ling the dry dusty im(p)rints of water d(r)oplets and streaks. Shadows of pass(i)ng trees s(l)ipped over her face as she sang, as the small car cruised in the direction of the mountians in the distance –

our cigarretes crackled and sp(a)t, se(n)ding up small puffs of smoke l(i)ke our puffs of breath li(t) by streetl(a)mps. The chilly night wrapped us into ourselves but we laughed through the cold, trudging alive and buzzing over the pavement toward the lights ahead –

you remember, in spite of the al(c)ohol, the bubbles rising around our waists and the warm water pulling us in, the nig(h)t I felt the pain of loss slip away at last when I was lying against you(r) accept(i)ng body, your heated (s)kin –

you remember the times reaching back to before I saw the (w)orld t(h)is way, before (I) knew what (t)hings were importa(n)t and what things w(e) can’t afford to forget, the lunches, our trips Downtown when I was too sh(y) to ask for a name –

And our cigarettes. The city lights glinted off your eyes as I strummed guitar songs in the par(k), us s(e)venteen and (l)onging wondering when we wi(l)l have boyfriends someda(y). Wondering who we are and what we might become, the days when it had all just begun.

I’ve miss(e)d you, (l)ooked for you in phon(e) books and asked arou(n)d hoping I could right our wrongs, tell the secret I never told (a)nd how much you helped, how much I loved our french-fry lunch confessions, our conversations about God

and our f(a)ntasies, when you and I were lost childre(n), wandrin(g) homeless through th(e) wooded crevasses of the back yard with only each other and the trees as friends, when the lawn grass was filled with pihrannas, the field was our brown ocean and the c(l)othes racks in the mall were our archipeligo of tiny islands, and mom was yelling not to eat candy off the floor but we were too busy singing, so h(a)ppy to be in this place away from the busy world.

And to all of you I haven’t yet met, all of you I’ve only begun to know, all of you who were cut short by time and circumstances. To all of you I have spoken to through painful moments, who have carried me when my legs were weak and loving thoughts were absent from my mind. To all of you, I love you and will hold you with me.



  1. clever.

    Comment by coffeecup_poet — July 28, 2005 @ 7:31 am | Reply

    • OMG David, why are you not online to message me, I want to talk to you right now.

      Comment by ononehand — July 28, 2005 @ 7:33 am | Reply

      • i’m still at work, silly

        Comment by coffeecup_poet — July 28, 2005 @ 7:37 am

      • Oh, um, right. Work. When you get off, PLEASE come get in bed with me. We don’t even have to have sex. I just want to be with someone I feel good talking to.

        Comment by ononehand — July 28, 2005 @ 7:39 am

      • 🙂

        Comment by coffeecup_poet — July 28, 2005 @ 7:40 am

  2. I liked this entry a lot! I guess it kinda struck a chord because I have been remembering a lot lately. I find my mind returning to the good times and people that are no longer around. I guess I’m a sucker for nostalgia lately. Well done.

    Comment by matthewtroxel — July 28, 2005 @ 1:38 pm | Reply

  3. ah, you made me all sappy. thank you.

    Comment by arazel — July 28, 2005 @ 5:09 pm | Reply

  4. truly beautiful!

    Comment by 8itt3r5wee7 — July 28, 2005 @ 6:21 pm | Reply

  5. i like your style 🙂

    Comment by hurley_chik — July 28, 2005 @ 7:42 pm | Reply

  6. that was cute :o)

    Comment by twistedshroom — July 28, 2005 @ 9:53 pm | Reply

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