On One Hand

September 9, 2005

Disjointed Fiction

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 3:19 pm
Tags:

1 Dave swallows goldfish.
2 Dave’s vegan girlfriend punches Dave.
3 Dave throws up goldfish.
4 Dave’s vegan girlfriend puts goldfish in jelly jar.
5 Dave says, “have fun with your new boyfriend, loser.”


3 With the blow of Jen’s fist came a thrashing in Dave’s stomach. First he gurgled, frowning awkwardly as if responding to a foul smell, then his eyes and jaw went wide as he heaved a goldfish and several cans worth of beer onto the living room coffee table.

5 “Have fun with your new boyfriend, loser,” Dave shouted. Jen turned her nose and clutched the jelly-jar lovingly to her chest. Inside, the goldfish flared his gills, cleaning the last remnants of beer and slimy stomach acid from his body. “I will,” Jen said, marching through the open door.

1 “Do it!” shouted Kyle as he passed the struggling goldfish to his friend. Dave staggered drunkenly as he reached for the pitiful, flopping creature, thrusting it quickly into his gaping mouth with one hand and raising a can of beer to wash it down whole. The band cheered from the sofa.

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3 Comments »

  1. Whoah. I don’t know why but I really like that sort of format. It makes, to me, what could easily be a very dull anecdote interesting.

    Comment by edwilson26 — September 10, 2005 @ 5:33 am | Reply

  2. dude

    i wish i could’ve seen this in action, especially for the parts you left out. i’m glad i read this instead of doing my hw.

    Comment by Anonymous — September 10, 2005 @ 8:51 pm | Reply

  3. EWWW!

    Matthew i hope that that’s not a true story! please tell me that’s not real! well…if it it you know some pritty fucked up people! oh and i like the way everythind was somewhat out of order. its neat-o! llove

    Comment by Anonymous — September 11, 2005 @ 3:13 am | Reply


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