On One Hand

November 30, 2005

The New Eighties

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 2:08 pm

In conclusion, peace would be great, but what the world really needs is more plastic surgery.

Oh my God – the nineties are the new eighties!

November 28, 2005

Protected: Start this facebook group at your school…

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 6:48 pm
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Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:30 am

November’s National Geographic says that 90% of the cells in a human’s body are not human cells, but rather, single-celled organisms. That is to say that there are ten times as many bacteria, fungi and protozoans living in your digestive system, on your skin, in your mouth, under your eyelids, in your hair follicles and in other bodily crevasses than there are cells that came from the original embryo that contained your characteristic DNA. The bacterial cells are usually much smaller than your own cells, so by weight and appearance you are mostly human. But the dominance of these foreign creatures in your body is clear – don’t think that somehow you are special and don’t have them. These organisms are so important that you would quickly become ill if they were gone: they help digest your food, stimulate your immune system, ward off pathogens, and provide each person with his or her own characteristic smell. You need them as much as they need you to live.

I remember when I started dating Matt. When we first kissed he tasted like toothpaste and chapstick, but the morning after his mouth was as awful as anyone’s mouth would be after sixteen hours of oral sex and licking tonsils and spending a drunken night at a friend’s place without a toothbrush or listerine. I assume he found my own mouth to be similarly foul. Yet after we dated for a few weeks, all of his odors became my own odors, and even when we both had morning breath we could kiss and taste nothing but a resemblance of our own mouths. Our bodies smelled the same, too. Through weeks of extreme intimacy, Matt and I essentially (and I acknowledge that this is gross) had come to share all each others’ bacteria, so it is not only a figure of speech when I now say that, months after our relationship has ended, I still carry a part of him with me.

(It also explains why I have more flashback thoughts of him when I haven’t showered in a while.)

I have been a nomad this semester. There have been weeks when I slept at home two or three nights out of seven, spending all other evenings with friends. I’ve explained before that I wasn’t necessarily having sex: I just enjoy being in bed with people. Physical affection stabilizes my highly variable moods. It helps me feel connected to others. It stimulates my creativity. It gives me life experience. In a lot of good ways, avoiding solitude makes me more of who I am.

As a nomad I learned that it’s good to bring a toothbrush wherever you go, because nomads never know if they’ll make it home that night and because going a long time without brushing your teeth can be awful. This is especially true when things like 1) oral sex and 2) kissing occur. It’s the case more often now that I’m actually dating someone again rather than spending less-intimate nights with many people.

But I still never remember to pack socks. And since for a long time I didn’t do laundry, I began recycling dirty socks regularly, though (and I acknowledge that this is gross) the millions of bacteria and fungi that inevitably live there were thus given an excellent opportunity to reproduce to numbers that would throw off the delicate balance between them and me.

So I just noticed that I have this patch of really raw, peeling skin between two toes on my left foot. I think it’s athlete’s foot. Thankfully the spot is small, and the ridiculousness of my lifestyle means that the pathogens probably won’t be as successful anymore if I just resolve to change it. But it still sort of sucks, because it’s gross, and I’m looking through WebMD to find any sort of home-remedy I can. The Internet recommends vinegar and tea tree oil, and fortunately (the odds!) I have both.

Note to Self: put 2 pairs of clean socks in backpack.

Anyway, I’m dead serious about the National Geographic article. You can pick it up if you want: leaf through the mini pre-articles before the longer pieces start, and you’ll find out what I’m talking about.

November 26, 2005

Protected: CU Students Walk-Out to Protest Hate

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:28 am

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November 25, 2005

Protected: Start Restoring

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 12:13 pm
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The Baby

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 12:33 am
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My family has some black sheep. Technically they aren’t even part of the family, but an extended relationship between my mom’s brother and his girlfriend of many years has brought her and her three teenage children into the fold. They don’t fit in with our Irish/Italian Catholic traditions, and rarely bring anything to the frequent group gatherings, so many would just as soon have them gone. They’re bringing my uncle down, my mother contends, because he works to support them and they don’t pay their own ways. They point out that the mother is alcoholic and hasn’t had a job in years. Her kids are in trouble for stealing, for violence, for drugs. They’re all still living in a motel, and two of the three kids are jobless teenage high school dropouts.

Well, one of the teenage high school dropouts just became a teenage high school dropout father. He brought the girlfriend and her two-month-old baby to our Thanksgiving gathering to be introduced. The women in my family, who are usually the first ones gossiping and politicking and complaining about the unwelcome enclave, suddenly swarmed around the infant like some informal group-baptism, dancing and cooing and making the baby giggle for them for about half an hour.

So this kid is now a father, and I’m thinking while all this is going on that the differences between him and I are night and day. I’m a college student writing for a newspaper and have never been in any trouble in my life, while this ex-jock dropped out of high school and has been arrested and just got himself a baby with an equally young girl while having no full-time job. My impulse is to say that he’s made some pretty dumb choices compared to me. Dropping out of high school is dumb. Having unprotected sex, many contend, is also dumb, and to do so at such a young age with such little ability to take care of a child makes it worse.

And that’s pretty much how my family treated this kid – as someone who made a lot of stupid choices, and that he’s on track for obscurity and meaninglessness. But when I think of all the things I’ve accomplished up to now, including my college transcripts and newspaper articles and the part-time job and journals and endless amateur poems, I can’t be sure I’ve done anything really meaningful myself. I’ve set myself up to make a name later if I continue to work hard, but what I have now doesn’t do much good except kick off a slowly growing resume. It’s easy to ask “is what I’m doing really going to effect anything?” and not have a clear answer.

And this guy has a baby, a human being. He’s created, through a careless mistake, something that is obviously and inarguably more meaningful than all of my accomplishments together – a human life. He’s committed himself to a lot of responsibility and work, but at least he knows what he’s working for. The baby has all the potential he does so he’s basically doubled himself. When you get to the point where your “accident” is a living, breathing mind of its own, it’s hard to regret what you’ve done. It’s hard to say “he shouldn’t have fucked her,” or “she should have had an abortion.” I can’t even think like that.

So my family, agreeing on some deep subconscious level with me, swarmed and coddled this infant and treated it, like they should, as a member of the family. Most likely the young couple will drift away from our family gatherings, considering how loosely connected they are, but they’ll always be welcome with us – at least while they have a baby.

I guess thinking about this helps me define in a real-world way what family is about, what society is about, and what life is about. It reminds me that sitting back and judging others’ mistakes or attributing their misfortunes to personal faults is unproductive and ineffectual. I can only be responsible for my own good and that means being willing to take over when I see others lack. What I’m looking at is a baby, with scarred and unsure teenage parents who lacked good parenting themselves, and whether or not I can help is all that I should ask.

November 21, 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:42 pm
u  A/C/E/H/I/T/C/H/E/R/S/                silently

n C H E S H I R E   C A T                 s/he

d Sling Foam                               watches
  Fling Soam        lingfoams
u    $ slofaming    ingfoamsl               while
   sofla            ngfoamsli 
l    flamingos                               the

a reach harm           fri/g/h/t/ens/ oak     world
  e/a/c/h/h/a/r/m/r     si g h t
t marchear                         s  oak      spins
                       f i
e M/cl t/o/ t/ruck                              around
.    ottermluck                                  him

November 19, 2005

Why I Havent Been Updating Much:

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 2:26 pm

To Do List:

1) 600 word story on sorrorities’ responses to Deferred Recruitment policy (3+ interviews) for the Campus Press
due AT LATEST Fri, Nov. 18
CHECK – Thurs, Nov. 17

2) 500 word Breaking News story on university’s response to threatening emails and bias-related incidents (3+ interviews) for the Campus Press
due Fri, Nov. 18
CHECK – Fri, Nov. 18

3) 800-1000 word article on Machinal (the play) discussing its role in feminism and its style/content (5+ interviews) for the Campus Press
due Tues, Nov. 22

4) Controversial issue profile story on limiting growth vs. lowering housing costs (minimum 4 interviews including Boulder City Planner) OR profile story on interesting person (minimum 3 interviews including subject) for Reporting 3001 due Tues, Nov. 22
CHECK – Mon, Nov. 21

5) (See #4) whichever story I don’t do on the 22nd is
due Tues, Dec. 06

6) Cover student walk-outs in protest to email incidents (400+ word, 3+ sources) as breaking-news story
due Wed, Nov. 23
CHECK – Wed, Nov. 23

7) Re-write of Site Visit Essay on the juxtaposition of youth-oriented modernism vs. traditional doctrine of “Mega Church” movement focusing on Cornerstone Community Church, at least 2 pages of revision and 2+ academic sources
due Mon, Nov. 27

8) Essay (4+ academic sources, 10 pages) on sexual attitudes in Christianity; evolving arguments for chastity and changing rules
due Nov. 29

9) 6-10 page short story for small-group workshop for Fiction
due ? by the end of Nov.

10) Register for two more Spring Classes

11) Turn in 10 poem application for Intermediate Poetry
CHECK – Wed, Nov. 23

12) Submit to honors undergrad creative writing journal (email Jessica for info) ASAP

13) Order the damn tugger
CHECK – Sun, Nov. 20

14) Go to bank and deposit checks

15) Get story assignments for next Campus Press issue (probably 1-2 600 word articles, 3+ sources each)
due ? Dec. 5-10

16) Write an opinion column
due Fri, Nov. 25
CHECK – Fri, Nov. 25

17) Start studying for finals
(Studying sounds so fucking nice compared to all this)

18) Buy an eigth and a pipe becuase after this semester is over I want to spend the rest of my life in a stupor.

November 18, 2005

Delta Delta Delta

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 2:54 pm

Lauren: “You didn’t make my friend look bad in your sorrority article, did you? Because she’s really nice.”

Me: “Oh, uh oh — I did say she was a tri-delt…”

November 17, 2005

My List

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 12:26 am
Tags: ,

I need:

lots of medical tape

thin elastic straps

suspender clips (or some other kind of clip)

empty pill tube or film canister

6 months to a year of patience

people who will push me when I lose motivation

talking to a doctor might help

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