On One Hand

November 13, 2005

Bipolar Curve

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 12:44 pm
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Malaised again lately, with stomachaches and emotional numbness, like being hung over. It’s really hard for me to be excited or aroused. When people touch me my skin feels raw and shivers protests. I’m less anxious but less extroverted too, so interviews are getting to be difficult. (Two weeks ago I was dancing bubbling all over the place.) I feel…like I’m slowing down. I always get obsessive and clingy at this part of the curve. Now I’d rather watch TV or study than get drunk or play music.

Me:

                       ..'''''.   < "I'm too happy to be bipolar"
                     .'        '.
                   .'            .
                 .'               .
              ..'
            .'                     '
          .'                        .  
         .                          . < Today (Nov. 13)
        .  < (Sept. 15)             '    
                                    ?
                                     ?
                                     ?
                                      ?
                                       ?   < oh shit
                                        ?   < oh shit
                                          ?   < oh shit
                                            ??   < oh shit
                                               ???
   SEPTEMBER      OCTOBER        NOVEMBER       DECEMBER

I might just have a virus, or maybe I’ve been drinking too much and my body is protesting. Maybe I’m just feeling pent up by something. I can sometimes rescue myself at the last minute. The other day I stared at a candle and forced myself to not worry for 30 minutes and it left me feeling calm and relaxed for three days. So there is hope.

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11 Comments »

  1. your little dot diagram is cute beyond explanation.

    Comment by drysilhouette — November 13, 2005 @ 10:10 pm | Reply

  2. i really enjoy candle-lit bubble baths while listening to classical music or josh groban or something.

    Comment by bradfordneal — November 14, 2005 @ 12:27 am | Reply

  3. are you really bipolar? i thought that those mood swings happen faster. oh well if you want i’ll send you silly emails to make you happy! they can make you giggle. id hate to see you pisssy around christmas. after all if your pissy then your cranky and then mom get’s cranky and gets on my back about stupid thigs. which means i get cranky and snap back, so mom and i fight and then that makes dad cranky…cousre, mom’s always cranky so…never mind…be pissy i’ll just try and make you happy again!

    Comment by Anonymous — November 14, 2005 @ 12:38 am | Reply

  4. I think I….

    I feel you on mood swings… but mine are like month-long mood swings… or in my case, lack-there-of.

    I have been pretty emotionless for the last month or two, and even when I try and fore myself out of it…. still… nothing. I don’t feel sad or happy… and it’s almost like “I” don’t even exist.

    Comment by matthewtroxel — November 14, 2005 @ 3:51 am | Reply

  5. Have you ever considered that this mood cycle becomes more of a self-fulfilling prophecy everytime you analyze and quantify it like this?

    Comment by otakudc — November 15, 2005 @ 12:22 am | Reply

    • Have you ever considered that ovaries are in fact edible?

      Comment by Anonymous — November 15, 2005 @ 12:42 am | Reply

    • The alternative is going back to being unaware of the cycle and getting suicidal when I don’t realize that my crash is psychological and temporary and that my perspective is distorted.

      Comment by ononehand — November 15, 2005 @ 8:30 pm | Reply

  6. Bi-polar

    Could it be that you overanalyize. Think too much. Can it not be enough to take life one day at a time, acknowledging the troubles and the lows of the day but also rejoicing in the little beauties. A fragrant breeze, a starry night, or the moon highlighting the Flat-Irons can you not just hold on to the good things while learning from, but not focussing on, the bad.
    If I (or probably any one else for that matter) plot their emotions out over a period of a month and a half I’m sure an argument could be made for the human race (especially Americans) to be bi-polar. Analyze less, ride with the fellings day to day and be happy you can at least feel them?????? I don’t know. Just my dime store psych.

    Comment by Anonymous — November 15, 2005 @ 4:24 am | Reply

    • Re: Bi-polar

      It’s a lot more complicated than plotting “feelings.” I can be very happy about things but feel like shit at the same time.

      Comment by ononehand — November 15, 2005 @ 8:27 pm | Reply

  7. Bipolar

    What do you have to feel like shit about? You are like way HOT, you are extremely intelligent, and you are a two-spirit person!! In other words, you are complete. All you have to do is learn to balance the emotions. All Two-Spirit people have the same problems. WE have to learn to balance the Masculine and Feminine Emotions. Learning balance is our way. All the confusion will pass, it always does. – Kelly

    Comment by Anonymous — November 17, 2005 @ 6:50 pm | Reply


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