On One Hand

December 3, 2005

Best Quotes of 2005

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 11:22 am
Tags:

It’s a little early, but what the heck. I wanted to clear them off of my facebook profile but don’t want them deleted, so they go here.

[While getting a ride home from the grocery store] “You’re going to have a hard time getting your truck in and out of my garage. I mean … just because you’re so long … and so big.” – Brittany Christie

“Man, I keep writing sober checks my stoned self can’t cash!” – Phill

Me: “There’s water all over!”
Stephanie: “That’s from the keg; it’s not water.”
Me: “So it’s beer?”
Stephanie: “It’s ice.”
Me: “It’s clearly not ice.”
Stephanie: “It’s melted ice.”

“Jeez dude, you make bipolar look so hot.” – Me

“School of Mines is like unprotected sex. You’re glad you got in, but sorry you came.” -Whitney

“My friend Carmen says she really wants a gay friend, so I was wondering if you could meet her and be her friend.” – Lauren

‘Fr. Richard’: “masturbation is actually very sinful. It’s a mortal sin.”
Kris: *raises hand* “you mean on yourself, or on someone else?”

“I’m not showing you this sex scene to titillate you. If you don’t want to watch it, you can leave, or put your head down.” -my JOUR2011 prof, spring 2005

The most American thing I’ve ever said:
Kris: “The CD is expensive because the band is from New Zealand and they have to import it.”
Me: “Hmm, you know, they’d be better off recording here and exporting back to New Zealand.”

“Oh my God, the nineties are the new eighties!” – Me

“Of course I’m gonna swallow. I fucking worked for it!” – To Remain Unnamed

Lauren: “You didn’t make my friend look bad in your sorrority article, did you? Because she’s really nice.”
Me: “Oh, uh oh — I did say she was a tri-delt…”

“I could really go for some unprotected sex right now” – A sperm.

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2 Comments »

  1. “My friend Carmen says she really wants a gay friend, so I was wondering if you could meet her and be her friend.” – Lauren

    I said the same thing to my friend about 7 years ago. I wanted a gay male friend. She hooked me up with my current best friend. And neither of us talk to her anymore. LOL!

    Comment by jennafern — December 3, 2005 @ 11:26 pm | Reply

  2. this was seriously one of the funniest things i’ve read in a very long time. i’m going to add you, if you don’t mind – i found you by mistake (me => doing research on ryan mcginley => idiotically not paying attention and trying to read a book while i google/check something on livejournal => me typing “ryan mcginley” and searching livejournal without actually noticing that i was searching livejournal rather than google => cursing, pausing, procrastinating and perusing you lj.) we’re both journalism students. we both have the same orientation. the similarities end there, but you’re interesting enough. ergo, hey, nice to meet you.

    Comment by frontdispatches — January 28, 2006 @ 9:33 pm | Reply


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