On One Hand

February 17, 2006

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February 16, 2006

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February 13, 2006

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The ascetic

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 11:35 am
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From: Mail Delivery Subsystem
To: pizzuti@colorado.edu
Subject: Returned mail: see transcript for details

—– The following addresses had permanent fatal errors —–

(reason: 550 5.1.1 unknown or illegal alias: the.olsen.twins@mail.nyu.edu)

(*&the ascetic approached the seer after a long
journey, and asked, @#hkjvbn5^&*((*) O seer, but why DID the chicken
*(&cross the road?
Was it fear? Despair? Samsara? A quest for elightenment?
##(*&)(*86r5j^%&
The seer stroked his greay beart and paused
before answering:
“You querry wisely o gnat-fibre hygienist!
Maybe the chicken crossed the road simply because
he was an Aristotelian,
and *^&LK
to gross the road is the essence of Chicken.

^&*kjl7586********But why
DID the chicken cross the
road!?********%$^&,m46^%&l*^&*(hkljhjkl645
********But why DID the chicken cross the road!?********HJL568%$^)*&(
%*&($@#

February 11, 2006

Some Fucking Bacon

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 12:05 pm
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Even right after I have sex I’m still horny and dissatisfied. My eyes wander from what I have to what I don’t. This is me becoming a Hungry Ghost.

Catherine: I don’t know where I’ll be, it depends on who I’m seeing. Maybe I’ll go to New York, maybe Seattle. Love is more important than where I go; I can always change plans.
Lacey: Not me. I never change my plans for anyone but myself.
Catherine: (sounds annoyed) I know.

I said tell them about that time grandpa thought he was dying so he drank more and more, and one day he couldn’t physically get out of the car so we took him yelling and cursing to the hospital and they told him he was an alcoholic and his blood alcohol rating was 0.33. Tell them how he quit drinking that day cold turkey and how we drove over there to bring him orange juice and vitamins that help with detox, and he was shaking so hard it scared the kids and he couldn’t get the frozen can of juice open so mom said “I can help you” and he said “no, let me do it, I can do it.”

I don’t want to learn through imitation, saying to myself “this is what the grownups do, and so I will do it.” If I did I would be farther along by now, because I can imitate well and easily. But when I hear a 20-year-old say “I’m writing a novel” or a college freshman try to publish poetry in all the traditional journals or a girl with her name in big letters on a jewl case labeled by some local record company and her music is inside or a boy audition for a reality show or a play, it’s a turn off. All these kids trying to be grownups. Taking all this incredible creativity and drive and imitating the previous generation, building a resume and it’s all about points and references and dollars and marketing. And we scream I don’t date resumes I don’t want to marry a resume I was not raised by a resume I’m not trying to find resumes for friends get your name off that jewel case, white out the big letters on that page and send back the references, rip up that business card, rip up that headshot, throw away your lists of guest appearences in films and throw away your lists of guest appearences in house bands and get your fucking fingers on the fucking guitar strings and pull the fucking strings and play!!!

She said you know, I could kill for some bacon right now. It’s evil and gross and unhealthy and unethical and I’ve been a vegan for years and it’s salty and bitter and makes me sick to my stomach and gives me diarrhea and I want a cigarette, I want a cigarette and a line of coke and a beer a beer a beer and I could kill for some fucking bacon.

Matt: If there’s one thing I hate about writers it’s the way they study and reference the lives of other writers through their work to the extent that all non-writers and non-literary critics find their writing utterly esoteric.
Matthew: What the fuck are you talking about. As if you hate esoterisism. You are esoteric. Everything you write is esoteric, everything is filled with references and allusions, and everything you say has some secret second meaning or connotation for those “with ears to…understand.” Don’t act like you don’t write esoteric – fuck, the word esoteric is esoteric to most of us – the whole reason you use it is that you feel good knowing most people have no clue what you’re saying.
Matt: Well that’s quite a… uh… .

February 10, 2006

teamAWESOME!

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 2:59 pm
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Ok breathe.

Just lay the words down, lay them on the page and see how they look. Re-arrange them. See how they look again. Re-arrange them again. See how they look.

You’ve done this before, you’ve written articles before, and you know it doesn’t have to be perfect the first time. It doesn’t have to be beautiful or spectacular, you get chances, many chances, to knead the words until they’re smooth and consistent before you have to turn them in. You have two hours, that’s more than enough time. Just start in the beginning, lay down the words, see how they look.

I have six full pages of notes. I say Matt, you have six full pages of notes. You have six full pages of notes and they’re good notes and they’ve got the content and they’ve got the flair and the accuracy. You have the numbers to do more interviews. And you’ve got the music and the notes and you’ve heard the music and you feel the music and you’re in the music and you have the words and now put them together, put them together like a sandwich, first bread then the tofu and the mayonnaise, put them together like building a house first the frame and then the drywall and paint, put them together like a song first the chords then the melody then the bass. Just start writing, lay down the words, see how they look.

February 9, 2006

TeamAWESOME!

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 10:38 pm
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Publishd in The Campus Press.

TeamAWESOME!’s mission is fun!
Matt Pizzuti
Staff Writer

More than a band, teamAWESOME! strives to be an experience.

Exhibiting a sound that can only be described as cute and bubbly, teamAWESOME! puts on a show of enthusiastic dancing, jovial lyrics, and a peppy teamAWESOME! trademark cheer increasingly popular with fans.

“We try to make it as fun as possible,” said Chuck Potashner, a sophomore sociology major and one of teamAWESOME!’s lead singers. “I really love music with sing-along parts.”

Band members have brought balloons, cupcakes and costumes to shows, and sometimes invite guest musicians to perform with them, Potashner said.

This new group of young Boulder musicians can’t be classified in genre.

“We have a country song and a 1950s pop song about hugs,” Potashner said. We “take the intensity of grindcore and thrash and mix it with really poppy stuff.”

Potashner started the band last summer when he and his roommate Kara George, now an alumna, started writing songs for fun.

“We weren’t trying to start a band, we were just playing songs in my basement,” Potashner said.

Soon the small group was performing in basements, houses, and lounges with other local bands. Eventually teamAWESOME! entered CU’s Battle of the Bands and won the competition, Potashner said.

The group recently added four new musicians to its ranks, tripling in size to include Austin Keeble, a sophomore history major, Michelle Wooden, a sophomore music major, Boulder resident Kat Roscoe, and Travis Rosenberg, a junior music major. After only two weeks of practice with new members and new songs, the band played at the restaurant “Casa Bonita” in Lakewood on Friday, February 10.

When asked why he decided to join teamAWESOME! as a drummer, Keeble said he didn’t have a choice.

“We forced him,” Potashner explained.

Keeble went on, “It’s hard to not be a part of something that fun. You cannot deny the funditude of teamAWESOME!”

February 8, 2006

“I Know Because I Am”

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 5:04 pm
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I go back to an old website I started when I was 15, my journal before this one, every few months. The address is mattpjournal.diary-x.com. The external links are broken and the style is blocky and basic from the time I was using right-click “View Source” to discover html scripts. The first line of the first entry reads, “My name is Matt. I’m 15 and I live in Colorado, in a suburb of Denver.”

The experience is like reading a different person’s journal. The old site, consisting of about 70 short journal entries and stories and advice, is all about my sexuality, which is hardly important to me now but dominated my life at that time. The words are my own and the thoughts are my own, but I am so far removed from them that the lens of impermanence stands between. I sound naiive and impatient, saying in an early entry, “Here I am, ready to start another boring day without a boyfriend.” In another place I say I can’t marry a man, so write, “Maybe I’ll go find a nice lesbian somewhere and we can start a family together. . .and maybe we’d be a normal family.” It’s hard to imagine being serious about that.

I’m talking about church socials and my friend’s “sweet 16” party and the guy I have a crush on and how much I want to live in New York City. The sentences are often run-on and are stream-of-consciousness, random and disjointed, and I find myself lauging at the way I thought. I look at my old words and say I could have stated things better, but also say I did pretty well given my age.

I wish I went more in-depth with my religious crisis, because it’s something I’d like to understand better in retrospect. Unfortunately I was too depressed to function during that time, let alone spend time writing about my crisis in a journal. I basically gloss over it in my later entries.

Notes on the site’s guestbook go all the way back to the time I was actively updating that journal, but newer entries are still being made by guests untill now. The website records 13 thousand hits, which is at least 10 thousand more than the number it was at when I abandoned the site. Young guys, 14, 15, and 16 years old, use the guestbook to say they connected and ask me to email them. If I ever do, I say “glad you liked my journal, check out my new one if you’d like.” I can’t give them the counceling and relationship that they want because it’s not my place.

I don’t want to be some sort of hero who wrestles young guys out of conservative dogmatic faith and says “look what you can have, all that stuff is bullshit.” I honestly don’t know if it is bullshit or not. All I know is the path I have chosen. That’s why I’m glad to reach out in the form of a journal, where anyone can see my thoughts and understand that I was conflicted, not resolute. Some will see some new dimensions of their situation, but no one is asked or convinced to beleive anything. It’s in the form of, “well, at the time, this is what I was thinking, and this is where it led me.”

Selected Quotes

Contents

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 11:26 am
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Contents

Contents of her locker will be added to display
Contents of my body will be strung to give away
They are pleased to offer information useful to our trip
We will bite our eyes to suitcases and stow them on the ship
We are housed in double-bedrooms locked in hotel junkyard hallways
To be watched by monkey-scientists empiricized in essays
The grizzly task of cleanup falls to men with dark briefcases
They will faint when they see blood and we click photos of blanched faces
To study film in Paris she will follow men through town
To study drugs in Portland she’ll find pills and choke them down
Contents of her suitcase will be strewn in disarray
Contents of my body will be strung to give away

February 7, 2006

The Thaw

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 3:29 pm
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The Thaw


What I would give to melt you,
                  to feel the hard cold
         give way to water droplets,
                  to fluid skin.  

      First in the shape of my hands on your shoulders,
               the shape of my hands on your cheeks,
               and then a shudder --
glass sheets will fragment and
                               fall 
                                    from
                                         you.  

The Earth tilts, winter slipping across
   the hazy blue to the other pole
   and you are warm.  
 
Then as
your thawed blood begins
                         to flow
you will reach to me warm  and
                               lean
                                    to
                                       kiss,

but now I am frozen.  
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