On One Hand

August 29, 2007

Praying Mantis Romance

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 2:43 pm
Tags:

Having never known Love, nor kinship,
the female was shaken when it came,
springing like a raindrop on her back.

For three hours of their brief lives, the lovers touched,
his jagged forearms teasing her shoulders,
his cuneate head tucked sweetly beneath her chest.

For him it was not all so clear;
his perilous mission tense and bittersweet.
She twitched – he flitted his shy antennae nervously over her head,
trying to read her.

When he gently lifted,
she, for the first time realized
the agony of the lonliness in which she had dwelt all her life.

No, she whispered as he drew away,
and stepped to grasp him firm.
A desperate, aching heart to heal,
she thought
now you will be with me forever.

Advertisements

August 27, 2007

Protected: Weird meditation experience

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 12:52 pm

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

August 25, 2007

My birthweek is over

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 4:25 pm

It ended. It was mutual. I feel pretty good. I still care about him, but, you know, we are very different. We both think it was the other person who couldn’t connect, because we connect in different ways. But we both tried. Ani’s “Both Hands” song is finally true; finally I’m in a relationship where efforts to save it were mutual, we can “write the story of how hard we tried,” and now all we have to do is get our pens out by candlelight and mark it on each others’ chests.

Now we have to be really good to each other, we have to care about each other a lot, and we have to keep our distance, if we want to stay friends. We have to avoid anger whenever possible and not flaunt our separateness, not throw away the photos of us kissing or dump the old T-shirts we will eventually find hidden behind our beds on the other persons’ lawn. He treated me a whole hell of a lot better than anyone else I got serious with in the past so I don’t want things to go sour. I think I’m always going to love him.

I probably won’t ever date someone cuter than Garrett, and that’s OK, I’m not looking for cute, I’m looking for willingness to get serious. I’m not “eager” to break off all the things we shared (for example, he said he wanted me to keep his apartment key for a while) so we will be careful not to sting each other by moving on too fast. I hope that works.

The worst mentality to be in after a relationship ends is expecting to get back together. I don’t think I will be caught up on that long; I mean, a door may be open somewhere, but it’s not open wide and it depends too much on his feelings, not mine. As an amazing woman once told me, “you will never heal your relationship until you get over it.” That’s good advice, because getting over someone usually means you realize that you weren’t that compatible in the first place. Will that happen here? Well, I do think we have a spark of compatibility, but we were too emotionally young for each other. As he put it, he would need to learn to be less critical, or I would need to learn to be more assertive. So I will either see that it could never work or else I’ll see exactly how it can. That can happen, but chances are it would take a year or more to develop and I’ll probably be seeing someone else in a year. If we re-connected sooner, it would have to be very open for a while. If we re-connect later, we are going to have to be very lucky, because I will probably be out of town.

I’ll process this all later; Garrett is going to make for some beautiful writing. I’m finally strong enough to dive into that now without being overwhelmed.

August 23, 2007

Rumers on the Internets

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 11:35 am
Tags: , ,

Move over Bill Clinton, it’s time we had a real playboy in office.

I’m talking about former NYC mayor and Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani, who is leading the Republican polls handily in his race to become the Republican presidential nominee.

Democratic pundits hope – and many Republicans strongly suspect – that Giuliani’s support among conservatives has simply to do with the fact that most people haven’t heard much about him yet. Voters know Giuliani was on the cover of TIME just after 9/11 standing above the smoking World Trade Center ruins, and that he presided over America’s city when it truly was, for a while, the center of the world. They haven’t really thought about things like, say, the fact that just three years ago Giuliani divorced his second wife to marry his mistress, that his wife found out her husband was leaving her by watching Giuliani’s press conference about it on TV, or that Giuliani’s own grown children are supporting Democrat Barack Obama.

The fact that Giuliani is ahead in the GOP race is surprising. Democrats are worried, because in a general election, Giuliani would be a tough contender against any opponent. His image is of being very strong on terrorism, which is a hot-button issue now as always, and he is liberal enough on social issues to win moderate credentials overall. He would be the first pro-gay Republican president ever, the first pro-choice Republican president since Richard Nixon, the first Catholic president since beloved Democrat John F. Kennedy, and the first Italian president ever.

As a socially-liberal Republican, Giuliani’s natural supporter is the erudite, rich and well-traveled Republican male, who is willing to look past social issues for economic ones, and doesn’t peer into others’ personal lives. But his current supporter is more of the blue-collar Republican; voters who praise him as a 9/11 hero, or at the very least, who think he’s the only Republican who could beat a Democrat at a time when President Bush’s approval ratings are sinking below 30. The blue-collared Republicans number higher, so a thorough shake-out of the candidates’ values could drop Giuliani’s scores.

Rudy’s natural opponents? Ironically, they’re Catholics, who are often strikingly liberal on every issue except abortion, which is one of the central issues Giuliani crosses party lines to favor. Already, a number of Conservative Roman Catholic groups have emerged in opposition to Giuliani. But Giuliani doesn’t need the Catholic vote to win; he only needs a small percentage of these already-torn voters, and his standing as the first major Italian Catholic candidate may win him that.

Put Giuliani against Hillary Clinton, and we have a Republican it seems that everyone loves against a Democrat it seems that everyone hates. Even in a country that currently favors Democrats on the issues almost 2 to 1 in many cases, Giuliani might have enough moderate credentials to tip the scale, and lead to a surprising Republican victory in 2008. But as I have said before, Giuliani has a huge barrier to overcome: his personal life. Women, who make up more than half of the electorate, already lean to the left. Add the fact that Giuliani is a known adulterer, while Hillary was famously cheated on (and forgave) in the most high-profile sexual affair in world history, and suddenly poor Clinton seems far more appealing than she would against any other candidate.

The Tell-tale Heart of Facebook

It’s hard to gain any meaning from the blurry mishmash of views that is found in Internet politics, other than to say they seem to bring the debate to the primitive level of guttural grunts and gestures, and that they are also extremely important. Type in Hillary Clinton on Facebook, and find thousands of “I hate Hillary” groups; you go through 10 or 15 of these groups, each with 20-100 members before you find a single voice of support, a group that has maybe between 200 and 1,000 members. Type in Giuliani, and find only positive groups; “Giuliani for President,” or “I love Rudy Giuliani,” or “New York’s Mayor for U.S. President.” Each of the hundreds of groups has about 15 members – it seems an awful lot of people who thought hey, someone should start a Facebook group for Rudy Giuliani were disappointed to find that, months into the campaign, they were not the first to come up with the novel idea.

What does all that mean? Well, we know there’s a lot more hate for Hillary out there than for anyone else. And the nature of some of these groups, like “Hillary Clinton shouldn’t run for President, she should just run the dishes,” means they’re either not to be taken seriously or they include people who are never going to be won over under any circumstances. Being a former first-lady and an obvious politician makes her an easy target. It could also mean that conservative college students are more eager to put out negative messages than their counterparts, since across the board, every Democratic candidate has about as many hate groups directed at him or her as positive groups, though they tend to carry lower numbers. Meanwhile, anti John McCain groups are made by Republicans who criticize him for being a “liberal in disguise.” Anti-Republican groups, though quite easy to find, are not as common as anti-Democrat groups, even in a college culture that leans strongly to the left.

Barack Obama has three to four times as much support on Facebook as Hillary. It is known that Obama scores high among college students and college-educated people while Clinton scores best with Blue-collar Democrats, while Clinton’s scores are much higher overall. But the language of the Facebook groups, “Anti Obama Campaign – For Crack Heads on the Street & Not in the White House” verses “everyone who opposes Barack Obama is Racist” isn’t exactly graduate-level discourse. Here’s a good one: text in a group titled “Barack Obama is a Terrorist” reads, “Son of a Kenyan Muslim and a Hawaiian athiest…do you REALLY want this bastard running the greatest and most powerful nation on Earth?” There are a series of groups that do nothing other than accuse Obama of secretly being a Muslim fundamentalist; others are so racist they make you want to bleed through the eyes.

The impact of such groups on the election is yet to be known. Surely, they are more of a marker of feelings that are already there than a catalyst of them, but they do help Democrats know that Hillary won’t be their most well-received candidate to open-minded Conservatives. Or, it might indicate that the anti-Hillary (or anti-Anyone) factions are operating under arguments that can’t be beaten (since they are not based on reason or logic) and are best ignored.

August 18, 2007

New Site

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 12:53 pm

http://www.prism-cu.org

I wrote the “what is Interfaith” page for the site.

The main reason I included the link here was so that search engines will be pick it up sooner.

August 17, 2007

Protected: New Mosque Project

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:16 pm

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

August 11, 2007

Protected: Koala Bear

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:12 pm
Tags:

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

August 10, 2007

Finding Neverland

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 8:08 pm
Tags:

In California, it is considered appropriate to wear costumes until age 30.

By “costumes,” I mean what young people wear; they are the uniforms that identify someone as part of a fashionable group. They are articles of clothing donned for none other than vanity – but unlike wedding rings or business ties, they are also extremely impractical.

For example, if you have an eyebrow ring or your earlobe pierced with a hole big enough to slide a pencil through, that is part of a costume. If you have a mowhawk or wear tight jeans 4 sizes too small so that your belt can go only as high as your thigh, leaving your ass (or in most cases, lack thereof) hanging out, this is part of a costume.

In California, it is not uncommon to see 25-year-olds wearing wrist bands pierced with safety-pins, college-aged women with red fishnet sleeves, the morbidly obese with Hello Kitty belly-shirts, or grown men presenting themselves with backwards white baseball caps, cotton tee-shirts big enough to make tents out of and enormous denim shorts that stop where their white socks begin, about 6 agoraphobic inches from the ground.

Here in Colorado, to contrast, it is appropriate to wear those things until age 20, then you must stop wearing them unless it happens to be Halloween. They are things it is widely considered you must remove if you ever want to get a job. It is still thought to be OK to wear tee-shirts with band logos or kitschy corduroys you might find in a thrift store, as long as you are in college, but they must be utilitarian, comfortable articles of clothing, or will stand out as bizarrely juvenile and make you more likely to be stopped by cops. Most Coloradans will even wear knee-length shorts, weather permitting – and it often does.

To tread dangerously near cliche high-school-clique-movie territory, when I was in high school, there were “jocks,” there were “skaters,” there were “goth kids,” there were “punks,” and there were “band kids.” Each group had its own distinct costume, in a system that was established and reinforced by daytime television, by teen girls’ magazines like Cosmopolitan and Seventeen, by evening shows like Freaks and Geeks or Dawson’s Creek, and by 1980s high school movies including, especially, The Breakfast Club. But what these mediums failed to address is how the costums evolve. I learned that at other high schools there were “homies” or “gangsters” that had existed in my own middle school but died out before freshman year. Later on, “skaters” and “punks” referred to the same thing, and you didn’t have to actually use a skateboard to qualify. It was a bastardized representation of the 80’s punk, synthesized into a market economy; Good Charlotte and Blink-182 were both considered punk bands, and most self-described “punks” could neither describe an emblem of “the corporate establishment” nor find the United Kingdom on a world map.

The year after I graduated from high school, a new group called “emo” emerged. I was already gone for college, but I knew about the group through friends a year younger than me who teetered dangerously close to the threshold of being trend whores, calling themselves emo as soon as the concept was available in the community. They were people who wore the aforementioned extremely tight jeans, liked the Postal Service or any nasally-singing music group, until the moment said group would sign to a record company, when they would henceforth be referred to as “bastard sellouts.” A favorite CD among them was the “Bright Eyes Christmas Album,” a recording of lovely Christian seronades to the Baby Jesus sung in breathy, irregular vibrato by an angsty black-haired 23-year-old agnostic for the pleasure of pill-popping 21-year-old athiests who consider themselves “artistic.” A year later the “emo” group branched, or at least the younger ones did; the tight-jeans-wearers distinguished themselves as a distinct group, called “hardcore,” which evolved via the Internet to “hardXcore,” then to “hardXXcore00,” and finally, through a website called Myspace, to “XXXhArDXcoreXOMG(-:!!!<3!!XXX!"

The group we called "jocks" in high school has since remained "jocks," and I imagine they have been "jocks" since the very dawn of high school culture, and will be until its inevitable, terrible, leather-and-lipstick coated end. Meanwhile, "goth" kids fizzled into ignonimity; it was discovered by a rueful anthropologist from Washington State University that they were actually just band nerds trying to disguise themselves with makeup.

I recently took a 10-day trip to San Diego, a city in California. Not the California of Berkeley and redwoods, not the California of joshua trees or warehouses of fermenting grapes, not the extended L-shaped blue-tinted California you see on the left side of a map of the United States, but the distinct, contained, universally-recognized California of endless suburbs, palm trees, shiny cars, freeways and backyard swimming pools. I'm talking about the California that is the fairytale land of tabloids and doesn't know it's actually part of a desert, with sprinklered lawns so green and perfect that they put the clear blue sky to shame for being blotchy.

I noticed that in this California, that simultaneously exists and does not exist, that you can still be "XXXhArDXcoreXOMG(-:!!!<3!!XXX!" until you are in your late 20s, or even longer if you happen to play a musical instrument. You can still watch MTV religiously, which I suppose is why you are not shunned if you audition for American Idol or Date My Mom or think Paris Hilton is only misunderstood.

This California, this hidden Neverland, has a mysterious allure. I found myself wishing I could stay there, among the perfect tan and waxed surfboard bodies, the shamelessly exposed bulging bellies, the sundress-wearing middle-aged tan women with big sunglasses and pristine white wide-brimmed hats. I can now attest that this place is real – I have seen it, and have known its open secrets.

August 2, 2007

!

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 7:58 pm

OMFG.

World’s Hardest Quiz

I’m stuck on number 60.

Blog at WordPress.com.