On One Hand

August 25, 2007

My birthweek is over

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 4:25 pm

It ended. It was mutual. I feel pretty good. I still care about him, but, you know, we are very different. We both think it was the other person who couldn’t connect, because we connect in different ways. But we both tried. Ani’s “Both Hands” song is finally true; finally I’m in a relationship where efforts to save it were mutual, we can “write the story of how hard we tried,” and now all we have to do is get our pens out by candlelight and mark it on each others’ chests.

Now we have to be really good to each other, we have to care about each other a lot, and we have to keep our distance, if we want to stay friends. We have to avoid anger whenever possible and not flaunt our separateness, not throw away the photos of us kissing or dump the old T-shirts we will eventually find hidden behind our beds on the other persons’ lawn. He treated me a whole hell of a lot better than anyone else I got serious with in the past so I don’t want things to go sour. I think I’m always going to love him.

I probably won’t ever date someone cuter than Garrett, and that’s OK, I’m not looking for cute, I’m looking for willingness to get serious. I’m not “eager” to break off all the things we shared (for example, he said he wanted me to keep his apartment key for a while) so we will be careful not to sting each other by moving on too fast. I hope that works.

The worst mentality to be in after a relationship ends is expecting to get back together. I don’t think I will be caught up on that long; I mean, a door may be open somewhere, but it’s not open wide and it depends too much on his feelings, not mine. As an amazing woman once told me, “you will never heal your relationship until you get over it.” That’s good advice, because getting over someone usually means you realize that you weren’t that compatible in the first place. Will that happen here? Well, I do think we have a spark of compatibility, but we were too emotionally young for each other. As he put it, he would need to learn to be less critical, or I would need to learn to be more assertive. So I will either see that it could never work or else I’ll see exactly how it can. That can happen, but chances are it would take a year or more to develop and I’ll probably be seeing someone else in a year. If we re-connected sooner, it would have to be very open for a while. If we re-connect later, we are going to have to be very lucky, because I will probably be out of town.

I’ll process this all later; Garrett is going to make for some beautiful writing. I’m finally strong enough to dive into that now without being overwhelmed.

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4 Comments »

  1. I’d say sorry, but you seem ok. -hug-

    Comment by slygreen19 — August 27, 2007 @ 5:04 am | Reply

  2. this is kinda making me cry, but you seem strong about it…stay strong xoxox Summ

    Comment by culive2ride — August 27, 2007 @ 1:59 pm | Reply

  3. yeppers

    Comment by culive2ride — August 27, 2007 @ 6:39 pm | Reply

  4. I am glad to hear you both ended things mutually. I am going through the same thing right now. It’s tough, really tough. Good luck and hang in there.

    -Clay

    Comment by Anonymous — August 29, 2007 @ 7:51 pm | Reply


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