On One Hand

October 12, 2007


Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 3:32 pm

I got a job as the teen program coordinator at Boulder Valley Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. That means I organize and lead the youth group activities on Sundays and go to occaasional staff meetings or retreats. I am excited about it.

I got an HIV test. I do not have HIV.

HIV tests are more like going to confession than anything else I have experienced. At the clinic I went to, testing works like this: you schedule an appointment in advance, then arrive and go to a private room to tell a person what you did that you are worried about. As this goes on, the drop of blood you gave is slowly soaking across a mounted strip of paper that resembles a pregnancy test, which will decide if you have the virus or not by testing for its antibodies. You are asked if you have had unprotected anal sex with a man or unprotected vaginal sex with a woman, if you have had unprotected oral sex with a man or with a woman, if you have shared needles or used needles to inject drugs, if you have gotten a tattoo, if you have been paid to have sex, or paid someone for sex, and so forth. You answer yes or no to each question, or if the answer is yes, you say when or how many times you have done it. The timer beeps after ten minutes; if the test is negative, it doesn’t matter what you did. You may as well have never done any risky thing at all, because your HIV status is if as though the risk was never there. You are absolved.

I brought my plants inside so that they do not freeze. That included an avocado seed I planted into the soil this spring, that had to be dug up. I need to buy some flower pots. I will get them from the grocery store later.

I still don’t know what my relationship status is. I know for sure I’m not in a committed relationship but I don’t know if I’m single or something else.

I lost my student card so I haven’t been able to go to the gym for a week. I think I lost some weight by not going and am down to about 150.

I am considering becoming vegan. I started wondering if I should do it after learning a little bit more about where milk and eggs come from I don’t know how I can possibly continue to benefit from so much suffering. Egg-laying chickens are de-beaked because they will peck each other to death at such close quarters (even “cage free” eggs are de-beaked because they are packed so closely together in a warehouse) and all milk, even if if it is “organic,” comes from farms where male calves are sold to make veal. I found out that labels like “free range” and “organic” and “cage free” mean absolutely nothing when it comes to animal products.

I started smoking cigarettes and then quit.

I decided I want to have a farm someday, where I will have my own chickens and let them wander through the garden to eat the bugs, and I will not de-beak them, and I will not kill them when they are “too old” at age 3, and then I will be able to eat eggs without guilt. I would also like to have a cow for milk but I don’t know what I could do with the male babies. I also don’t know where I am going to fit the farm when I live in New York City.

I decided I would like to bring some element of HIV activism into my church because someone needs to change the culture in Colorado. A third of all gay guys talk shit about people with HIV, until they get it, and then they are secretive about it. Nobody comes out. Nobody cares for compassion. I have a problem with that.

I need to go to the grocery store later today and I haven’t decided if I will buy eggs or milk. I don’t know what I’ll buy if not eggs or milk.



  1. if you want to know anything about veganism, let me know. i know a good bit about the day to day and chuck could tell me more. whatever you do, don’t ask that dumb bitch alyssa.

    Comment by volatile_freq — October 12, 2007 @ 10:33 pm | Reply

  2. I’m very happy you’ve finally been tested.

    Comment by erichowens — October 14, 2007 @ 4:11 am | Reply

  3. Congratulations on the youth job. It sounds like fun to me.

    It seems like all that questioning would keep people from being tested.

    Comment by 477150n — October 14, 2007 @ 9:11 pm | Reply

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