On One Hand

February 4, 2008

I need a change

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 4:26 pm

I’m tired of the way things are going… not bad, but BO-RING.

I am getting socially lazy. I feel like I’m running out of things to say to people. I am too ADHD to hang out with the same person enough times to get really close, yet the more I pass from face to face hanging out with new people all the time, the more I find that I’d rather have closer relationships.

I have no staying power with gay men; the longest I’ve maintained a gay friend I wasn’t dating is probably about two weeks. I just get bored. Straight guys can be cool but they usually aren’t as eager to meet new people so we wouldn’t bond unless we actually had something to do together on a regular basis. The Illiterate guys used to be cool but they’re all too businessy now. That, and I don’t think they respect me that much; they like my writing but I don’t get the sense that the editors think writers are important. I’m over it.

Maybe I need someone who likes house parties and beer as much as I do, or someone who likes plants…

I don’t know. I definitely have strong interests, but as for hiking, biking, camping, climbing – all things I say I tentatively like to do – it’s more about the people I do it with than the actual activity. Meanwhile, going to the gym is best solitary for me; I have no problem motivating myself, but it’s easier on my own terms and my own time. Plus, all the blood runs to my muscles and out of my brain so I’m a social oaf when I’m lifting.

Except one piece of good news – for someone who is obsessed with weight, it’s good to see that it is climbing; the other day I reached 165 pounds. My ultimate goal is 170. I am not as big as I thought I would be at 165 – I think I’m going to have to bump my goal up to 175 or 180. Not that I want to be there permanently, but then if I weigh 180 pounds, then slack off and lose a few pounds, I’m still way ahead.

People are going to ask me why I am so intent on gaining weight, since I am generally not a superficial person and they’ll think it doesn’t seem like something I would do.

All I cay say is that I want to prove that vegetarians can have some muscle. I’m sick of everyone saying “you really need meat to be healthy” or “sure, being a vegetarian is OK if you want to be stick thin.” Other people say “my body fell apart when I was a vegetarian” and really all I can say is that if that’s the case, they don’t know enough about nutrition. When I became a vegetarian I weighed 140 pounds, dropped to 135 my freshman year in college (from eating one meal a day) and now I’ve gained about 30 pounds in less than two years by working without any help from eating meat. It’s all beans, rice, tofu, corn, soy supplements and some eggs and dairy. As a matter of fact, tofu, soy nuts, cheese and eggs all have a higher concentration of protein than meat does, and peanuts have about the same amount of protein. If you are a skinny guy want to change your body type for the better, there is really only one thing you can do, and that is to lift weights. All the protein in the world won’t make you big if you don’t lift weights, and you’ll gain weight without even adding to your protein if you start doing it now (you’ll do better if you get adequate plant protein in your diet).

OK, let me reason this out in a better way:

1) I am a vegetarian because it is the single easiest way to improve my impact on the world. People always talk about how they wish the world is a better place but hardly anyone gives something up to achieve that. Giving up meat is so easy and makes SUCH a huge difference I can’t justify not doing it.

2) I lift weights to make people surprised that I am a vegetarian. If I don’t look like a stereotypical vegetarian, who are skinny more likely because of personality type than the effects of the diet, people get the point that passing up meat is realistic and healthy without me ever having to say anything. Vegetarians statistically live longer, have a lower incidence of heart disease and cancer, are less than half as likely to get digestive problems like appendicitis, and do not face any special health risks or diseases because of their diet – but that’s not something I want to be saying to every person I meet. I’m living proof that it works rather than a person who always instructs people to go to some website for that information.

So I work out because I want to make a point. Sure, it’s about more than that too; it’s about the fact that I feel really good after I’ve exercised (on a physical level, not necessarily a self-esteem level). I also think I get more respect from heterosexual guys. I’m not having better luck dating because I think I was actually more sexually attractive skinny (at least to the guys I was interested in) but that’s not what this is about, so I’m still for it.

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1 Comment »

  1. Maybe when you finish school you should leave Colorado, that would be a nice change.

    Comment by tempur_tempur — February 9, 2008 @ 2:03 pm | Reply


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