On One Hand

November 3, 2008

Nov 04

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 10:06 pm


Election day is here.

Vote, f*ckers. Or I’m disowning you.

I’ll be knocking doors in Montbello, a neighborhood in Denver, trying to get as many people as possible to the polls.

It’s going to be weird being out on the streets working on election night rather than pushing the “refresh” button every 30 seconds on CNN.com’s live-results electoral map like I did 4 years ago. There’s a good chance the outcome of this election will be known by mid-afternoon on the West coast, when exit poll results for Pennsylvania, Virginia, North Carolina and Florida come in. I hate not being the first to know something.

But you know what I’d hate even more is sitting on my ass, watching while my candidate loses and not doing anything about it, while history happens and I could have had a role in it.



Today I canvassed a hairy shirtless redheaded white guy with a ponytail and a dark snake tatoo on his bicep, who did not know that mail-in ballots are due on election day, and I told him he has to take it in personally since it’s too late to mail it, and he said “yea man maybe me and my girlfriend could get around to that tonight or tomorrow.”

Today my coworker canvassed a 27-year-old shirtless black guy with a soft belly and muscular chest, who stood at his front doorway in red boxers saying “no ma’m Obama can’t count on my vote,” he said he wasn’t going to vote because he is busy, and because Obama will probably win either way, and no nothing is going to change his mind about his decision not to vote.

Today I canvassed a 60-year-old Latino man with a gold crucifix hanging around his neck, who frowned and told me “it’s none of your business if I vote or not!” when I stood at his door. I asked if his wife or son (also on my list) were home and he said that it’s none of my business if they vote either, and that they’ll tell me the same thing.

Today I canvassed a 60-year-old lady with no teeth and a blue denim skirt, who said she doesn’t vote because it’s not her thing, she never votes, and she ain’t never gonna vote.

I canvassed a 23-year-old butch girl with short spiked hair and a stick-thin, frail body, who said fuck no she isn’t even registered to vote, and when I said yes you are registered since you’re on my list, she said well I don’t want to vote anyway so don’t waste your time.

I canvassed a 27-year-old white guy with dark hair and glasses who snidely turned up his nose said “eh politics aren’t really my thing, man.”

I talked to 23-year-old white guy in black clothes with a wicca star around his neck who said he doesn’t vote because the American political system is bullshit…

…and a 25-year-old white guy with short cropped red hair who said why buy bet on a horse when they’re both owned by the same rider, and no, he won’t be voting this year or next, he said “fuck McCain and Obama” and when I told them there are other things on the ballot he said fuck them too.

OK I’ve given you a dozen or so ways you could be douchebags by not voting. Now go vote. Go give a shit about your world and your community. Go give a shit about your own future. Go give a shit about people who struggle to afford healthcare or soldiers and civillians dying in Iraq. Go defy the stereotype of young people being too narcisitic and selfish to take 30 minutes to fill out a piece of paper that could help determine the lives of 300 million human beings for 4 years. Go have enough respect for yourself to admit that your actions and beleifs do matter to the world and you are a part of it.

Let me tell you who else I’ve talked to lately. I talked to a military guy who was upset because he got sent off on his second tour in Iraq before his mail-in ballot arrived from Florida (if you read this say hi) and he wanted to vote for the man who would end the war. I talked to a 6’9″ African-American guy who walked with a cane who said he’s never wanted to vote so bad but he can’t because he committed a crime and got a life sentence when he was younger, and Colorado won’t let you vote if you’re out on parole. I talked to a Canadian woman who said she’s never been so excited about an election but she can’t vote until she becomes a citizen next year. I talked to a 17-year-old girl who almost cried when she thought about being 60 days too young to vote for Obama, but she’d volunteer for him to make up for it. I talked to a Mexican woman who said thank god her husband’s a citizen and can vote because she can’t, and her kid has autism and she can’t afford to get him help. I talked to an 8-year-old black kid who shouted “Obama!” while I left literature at the doorstep, and I waved and said see you in the voting booth in 12 years. Those are people I really feel for.

Those are the people I vote on behalf of when I vote.


this is why i love america



  1. i just voted for the first time today! it was the most exciting thing ever.

    i really hate when people don’t want to vote for a candidate just because they disagree with ONE issue. my best friend’s aunt is hxc against abortion, and she’s voting for mccain JUST BECAUSE she thinks obama is going to turn the white house into an abortion clinic.

    today is so excitinnggggg. i can’t wait for the results to start coming in.

    Comment by somenights — November 4, 2008 @ 5:46 pm | Reply

  2. Congrats

    I’m very pleased to see you have a passion to your voice that extends beyond “yeah, I read about that in class, I’m studying to be a journalist.”

    Keep that passion, we need more of that in the world. For it is from passion, whether quiet or outspoken, that arises the best chance of evolution of our world. Opinions count, and there are far too many that end up as “yeah I know about that, I’m (I was) a _____ major.”

    Comment by Anonymous — November 5, 2008 @ 8:21 am | Reply

    • Re: Congrats

      I disagree. If you want to encourage people to vote, calling them douchebags isn’t going to do it.

      Comment by Anonymous — November 29, 2008 @ 8:34 pm | Reply

      • Re: Congrats

        it doesn’t matter because they already didn’t vote.

        Comment by ononehand — November 29, 2008 @ 11:27 pm

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