On One Hand

September 4, 2009

Where Will Right-Wingers get Antidepressants When They Lose Their Jobs?

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 6:51 pm

The ironic thing is that if the mental breakdown Right-Wing America is currently going through were to cost any of those individuals their jobs, their employer-based health insurance would end, and they would lose access the very anti-anxiety, antipsychotic medications, beta blockers and therapy sessions they need to cope with 1920s Whites-Only America being over.


I acknowledge that seems sarcastic and rude, but the truth beneath it is that healthcare reform is not just for Democrats, it is for everyone. I don’t support a public option because I want to redistribute wealth away from the evil Republicans to poor people, I support a public option because I want to give everyone, of any ideological position, the choice to not participate in a system that profits from undermining them. Those who disagree have the choice not to use the public option. I can’t think of a more reasonable compromise.

And now it’s being made all about race; I don’t know if it is because Americans automatically assume that all poor people are black or Hispanic, or that they are terrified of Obama’s agenda. But statements like one from Glen Beck, that Obama’s Agenda (which includes healthcare reform) is all about reparations, make it seem as though the Right can’t tell the difference between a person of color voicing an opinion and Joseph Stalin voicing an opinion. The color = Communist connection seems to be real in their minds, and their very own interests are being undermined.

July 10, 2009

Protected: England Without “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 11:09 am

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June 5, 2009

Protected: Alles Nur Gelkalut

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 1:15 am

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January 23, 2008

Protected: GASP

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 10:06 pm
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December 27, 2007

2 girls 1 cup

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 3:32 pm
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It has come to my attention that many of you have not yet come to experience the joy that is 2 girls 1 cup. Those who know are asked not to spoil the secret, but if you don’t, this might give you an idea about what we’re talking about:

2 Girls 1 Cup reaction #1

REACTION 2 (Grandma watches 2 girls 1 cup)

REACTION 3 (a second attempt to get through the whole thing)

I suppose you might want to know what all this is about…

the REAL 2 Girls 1 Cup!!! (not safe for work)

Extra credit if you videotape yourself watching it.

I showed my dad some of the above reaction videos, posted throughout the years on YouTube and other sites, and he couldn’t help himself but to load the actual clip to see what everyone was freaking out about. My mom looked on from the couch, knitting, and said “I’m not dumb enough to look at that.” But while my dad covered his eyes, howled and fled the room, my mom calmly muttered, “that’s not real poop.”

An hour later my mom started talking about how the video showed how far our society has decayed and that she can’t beleive I would know about such a thing. “Nobody else knows about that,” she insisted, “maybe YOUR friends would but nobody sane would know about that thing and pass it on.”

Being as it was Christmas, and since he is nearly as obnoxious as I am, my dad showed my grandfather the reaction videos and, ultimately, the de-facto 2 girls 1 cup. My grandpa, a 67-year-old, 30-year military veteran who was once stationed in Southeast Asia, and his son-in-law, also a career military man, stared at it and laughed for the full 2 minutes without looking away. My dad said he was shocked that they could get through the whole thing. When it was done, my grandpa looked up and explained, “what you don’t realize is that we’ve been to Thailand.”

The next day we were seeing more family, and my mom, thinking it was an inside joke, mentioned 2 girls 1 cup. Three of my cousins, aged 14, 15, and 16, simultaneously screamed. It eventually led to more aunts and uncles watching 2 girls 1 cup. But one of the boys insists that he knows of a video online that is “much, much worse.”

I bring you this because 2 girls 1 cup has been the overriding theme of Christmas 2007. Happy holidays!

December 13, 2007

Weird Campaign Video

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 7:09 pm

“jhalak dikhla ja ek bar aja aja aja aja aaaaa”

May 11, 2006

A Break

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 9:34 pm

When you go on “a break,” which would suspend the implicit monogamy of your long-term relationship, is the “break” effective immediately, or is it delayed until the end of the day, week, or what?

February 16, 2006


Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 9:55 am

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February 13, 2006

Protected: Favorite

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 2:42 pm
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The ascetic

Filed under: Uncategorized — ononehand @ 11:35 am

From: Mail Delivery Subsystem
To: pizzuti@colorado.edu
Subject: Returned mail: see transcript for details

—– The following addresses had permanent fatal errors —–

(reason: 550 5.1.1 unknown or illegal alias: the.olsen.twins@mail.nyu.edu)

(*&the ascetic approached the seer after a long
journey, and asked, @#hkjvbn5^&*((*) O seer, but why DID the chicken
*(&cross the road?
Was it fear? Despair? Samsara? A quest for elightenment?
The seer stroked his greay beart and paused
before answering:
“You querry wisely o gnat-fibre hygienist!
Maybe the chicken crossed the road simply because
he was an Aristotelian,
and *^&LK
to gross the road is the essence of Chicken.

^&*kjl7586********But why
DID the chicken cross the
********But why DID the chicken cross the road!?********HJL568%$^)*&(

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